Adventures In Traffic

I like to check my stats for my blog.  It gets a little obsessive.  I wonder why some days I only have a few hits, other days it will jump up for no reason I can find.   I have been read around the world.  I am quite popular in Russia.  I have no idea why.  Guess they like movies.

United States

Russia

Germany

United Kingdom

Latvia

Canada

Malaysia

Brazil

Australia

France

I have Facebook friends in Germany (Hi Marga!) and Canada (Hi Bunny!).  I even know someone in Australia, (Hi Rocky!).  But I have never met or even through the internet connected with anyone in Latvia.  I have hit almost all the continents.  No one in Africa yet though.  So if you know anyone there, can you send my blog for the hit.  I'd like to be truly worldwide. 

One of Blogger's other functions is that it will show you what people searched to find my blog.  I find these hilarious.





1.  the time it was

I have no idea what they got with this search.  Hope they weren't disappointed.  It was probably a story about my dog.





2.  heathers 1988 review j.d

Easy, my "Heathers" review.  Great flick. 





3.  movie spoiler for mrs winterbourne 

Spoilers in "Mrs. Winterbourne"?   I think that it is a pretty straightforward romantic comedy.  Don't get me wrong.  I love it and Brendan Fraser.  But I can't think of anything too spoiler worthy.




4.  1987 caesars palace robbery from oceans 11 

I was quoting Elliot Gould's character.  They were probably searching to see if it was a real robbery.





5.  gwyneth paltrow devil

This let's me know that I am not alone in my belief that poor Blythe Danner or Bruce Paltrow made a "Rosemary's Baby" style deal to advance their career and the result was the devil's spawn that is Gwyneth Paltrow. 

Thank you Internet!

The Five Year Engagement - 2012

I woke up early this morning and went into work for a couple of hours.  When I got home it was still early.  I decided it was a good time for a movie.  I told my husband I was thinking of going to see "The Five Year Engagement".  He was surprised I wasn't going to see the new John Cusack film, "Raven".  I love John Cusack, but felt like something funny.   My husband then decided to go with me.

We checked the movie times and discussed our coupon options to pick the theater.  One chain, Century, sends a weekly coupon.  This week's was a free small drink with any size popcorn.  The other, Carmike, has a points program.  You have to spend $80 to earn a free small popcorn.  Since I only have 12 points, we chose Century.  It was starting in an hour, so we were off.

It was in the small theater and was getting filled up.  We found our seats and relaxed.

Soon there were the stupid things people do when coming to a movie.  I have mentioned I like to arrive early.  It is very irritating when people show up during the previews.  It is downright obnoxious when they show up during the credits.  This wouldn't bug me quite so much if they were quiet and didn't make me move my stuff. 






We were two seats from the end of the row.  I had set my purse in the seat next to me and my husband's jacket was on top of it.  About five minutes into the movie a couple comes up to our row.  Instead of asking if the seat was free, they start setting their stuff in the first seat. 

Then the guy says, "You need to move that."

What?

So I moved it.  But I retained custody of the arm rest.

The movie was good.  Jason Segal and Emily Blunt were adorable.  But they were showing people from California moving  to Michigan in the winter.  There are a few things that they get wrong.

















Ice scraping.  I have never seen a movie where they get this right.  When it is cold enough to have ice on your windshield there are steps.  First you start your car and turn the defroster up to high.  This will melt the ice and help the process.  They never do that in a movie.  You always see them scraping a cold car.  

Jason Segal's character is a chef.  He's worked in New York and San Francisco.  When he gets to Michigan, where is fiance is pursuing her career, he has to settle for a sandwich shop job.  Ann Arbor is a big town.  It is also only about an hour from Detroit.  A trained chef with that kind of experience is not going to be making sandwiches.







Finally and yes, I know that this is the whole point of the movie, why would anyone be engaged for five years?   Just because they moved?  Because she got a new job? 

It is a very cute movie.  The cast is cute and there are quite a few funny bits.   It was a nice afternoon out with my favorite husband.

The Eyes Of The Dragon - My Dream Cast.

The SyFy channel is reportedly making a movie or possibly a miniseries based on the Stephen King book, "The Eyes Of The Dragon".  It is a wonderful book and a great introduction to King's world.  It is really a fairy tale complete with kings, evil magicians and yes, a dragon.  I think it can be a really good miniseries.

I have read this story at least a dozen times and am currently listening to the audio book.  So, I am going to throw my dream cast out there.   Now this is not nor never will be the cast unless they are throwing out some big money.  Face it, a cable channel will never get this cast.  But I will try.

This is the story of two young princes.  During the major happenings of the book, Peter is 16 and ages to 21.  His brother Thomas goes from 11 to 16.  I think unknown but talented young men would work. 

Their father is King Roland.  While his sons are young, he was in his fifties before he married and had children. 





I know I am using Rip Torn's mug shot, but this is how I imagine King Roland.  He tries very hard to be a good king, but doesn't do well.  Thinking too hard gives him a headache and he enjoys great quantities of alcohol which doesn't help.  His mother was Queen for a long time so he was allowed to remain a bachelor for a long time.


For his wife, Sasha, I like Natalie Portman.





She just exudes goodness and sweetness that is essential to Sasha.  The Queen is much younger than her husband and the marriage was arranged to provide an heir to the throne.  She isn't the closest to the King's ear, but makes a gentle impact.   It is key this character is played just right. 

Our old friend Flagg, famous from King's other works, is a big part of this book.  In the miniseries "The Stand" he was played by Jamey Sheridan.





Jamey was little over the top.  I like Christopher  Meloni.





In the book he wears a hood for most of the story.  It is said that he looks to be a normal man in his fifties.  I think he can pull off the evil and the playful sides of Flagg.  He can also pull off the soothing voice he uses for persuasion. 

There is a chief warder who is a little sadistic but ultimately, well I don't want to give too much away, but he gets his butt kicked.  He also gets mistaken for a dwarf.





Has to be my favorite guy who's "kinda funny looking".  Steve Buscemi would rock this. 

There are a lot of other roles out there but the last one I consider critical would be Anders Peyna.  He is a judge that makes a big decision that set a lot of things into motion.  He has to be sharp and fair minded.




This works for me.  Donald Sutherland embodies what I need.  Plus his kid was great in another King adaptation. 

If you haven't read the book please run out and get it.  It is great.   I know my cast will probably not make the cut, although they aren't that pricey.  But I am hopeful for a good adaptation. 

I would love to hear from other fans of the books.  I am open to suggestions for all these roles.  Bring it on!

Happy Birthday Al Pacino

Today is Al Pacino's birthday.   I can't say I am a huge fan of his work.  I have enjoyed some of his movies, but I don't have to see a movie because he is in it. But that being said, he has had a significant impact on my life.

In 2002 I went to see the movie "Insomnia".  It wasn't an outstanding film.  It was during a period where I was going to a movie almost every week and this one was playing.  I have since matured and no longer do anything so reckless. 

I was there alone in the dark watching this dark drama play out.  It was set in Alaska, where I have vacationed.  Then a very tired looking Al Pacino came on screen.

There was soon an extreme close up, only Al's face spread across the big screen.   Now granted, Mr. Pacino was suffering from a lack of sleep, hence the title of the film.  But all I could see was his forehead.

Yes.  His forehead. 

To put this in perspective you must realize the average movie theater screen is 30 feet high by 70 feet long or 2100 square feet.  This resulted in about a thousand square feet of forehead and it was not pretty.  It was like an accordion.  It looked like a stack of skin pancakes.

It was terrifying.

I spent most of the movie stroking my still smooth forehead.  I couldn't focus on anything else.  I was so afraid that it was too late for me.  Was the damage done?  Was that forehead possible in my future? 

As soon as the movie was over I went directly to Target and I bought my first bottle of Oil of Olay daily moisturizer. 

Now, nearly ten years later I'm still using it daily.

Still silky smooth.  Thank you Al Pacino!

We Interrupt This Movie Blog For A Book.

A new Stephen King book came out today.   So for the next 298 pages or so I will be busy.  It isn't just any story.  We are back on the road to the Dark Tower and I am very excited to see what adventures my favorite ka-tet get into.

When I come back, I want to cast the other book by King making the news.  There is word that the ScyFy network is making a miniseries out of "The Eyes Of The Dragon".  I happen to be listening to this on audio in my car.  It is a great book. 

I will need to think up my dream cast for the adaptation.  Any suggestions? 

The Three Stooges - 2012

I believe that I have mentioned in the past that I am an exceptional wife.  For example I don't make my husband endure chick flicks or Oscar worthy dramas.  My husband has the same opinion of these things that Shirley MacLaine so aptly expressed in "Steel Magnolias"

Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

But also being an exceptional wife I have accompanied my husband to a lot of movies I might not otherwise have seen.  In the past 23 years of our relationship we have seen a lot of Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler fare. 

As soon as I heard that they were making a Three Stooges movie I knew that it was inevitable. 

When the names of Sean Penn and Benicio Del Toro were bandied about in the casting process I thought it might be a serious behind the scenes look.  They did have a pretty dramatic story.  But then the trailer came out.  It was a modern take on the same old story.

I should note at this point that I have never liked the Stooges.  I just don't get why they are funny.  It is three guys verbally and physically abusing each other. 

My husband and son LOVE the Stooges.  I knew this before marriage but never guessed that I would have to deal with new Stooges. 

Yesterday my son called and said he was thinking of going to a movie.  I asked him what he was seeing and he said "The Three Stooges".  I told him that his father wanted to see it and they should go together.  I decided to go along and see another movie at the same time.

The only problem was that there wasn't anything I wanted to see.  I'd either seen it already or had no interest in it.  Which left me two options, stay home or go see "The Three Stooges."

I went. 





We start with the backstory of the boys.  They are left on a doorstep of an orphanage.  Then they grow up to go on a "Blues Brothers" style mission to save the orphanage.

My husband and son laughed uproariously throughout the movie.  I giggled a few times, more at my family than at the movie. 


 


The actors did look like the original Stooges.  It was very true to the original vibe.  And like the original Stooges I didn't like it.

If you like the Stooges you will like to the movie.

I went in with zero expectations.   Lower than zero.  I was glad my boys had a good time.  The best part?

I got chocolate covered raisins.

Nervous

Yesterday I got home and my husband and I took our dog Stevie to the vet.  It was time for his annual check up with rabies and all his other shots. 

Stevie is the happiest dog in the world.  When we get the leash out he starts dancing around the living room.  He can't wait to GO FOR A RIDE!  Even though his only ride is to the vet.  Unlike normal dogs, Stevie loves everyone at the vet's office.  He jumps on every person and covers them with kisses of unadulterated joy. 

Now, along with being the happiest dog in the world, he is also the biggest wuss.  This is a dog who is scared of pop cans and plastic, grocery bags. 

When we go to the vet, the first thing they have us do is step on the big scale.  It is usually a big battle.  I have to drag him to the edge and then pull him onto it while the vet's assistant holds him long enough to get his weight.   This time Stevie hopped right on it. 

We got into the exam room and he jumped right up on the exam table.  This was also unprecedented. 

Then the exam started.  Stevie didn't like the taking of the temperature, which I don't blame him for!  Then there were problems with his blood draw.  Stevie is a Corgi and they have short little legs.  The assistant had a hard time finding a vein.  Then the doctor couldn't find it.  Finally they got a few drops out. 

Stevie immediately forgave them and gave them more kisses.  He endured the rest of the exam.  But at one point there was an odor.

"Oh, he must be nervous, he's passing a little gas."  The vet commented.

We nodded solemnly. 

He finished the exam and Stevie passed all his tests.  He got all this shots and was ready to go. 

We got into the car and I couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"Stevie covered for me."   I announced.

"What?"  My husband asked.

"It wasn't Stevie that farted."

My husband laughed the whole way home.  Thanks Stevie.

Message Boards

IMDB, Internet Movie DataBase to the great unwashed, is probably my most used website.  I go there almost every day.  Some times it is for this blog.  Most of the time it is because the husband and I are watching some show and this question comes up.

"What have I seen that actor in?"

Then it is a race to jump on the site and find the answer.  It is a two stage process with my husband.  I have to find out who the actor is and then find the movie that he was in that my husband would know.

I love to cruise the site.  I get quotes and check box office results.  When I am stuck on what to write about I check on birthdays and see if that sparks the writing fire. 

One of the things that bugs me though are the message boards.  I enjoy checking out the boards but have found that there are only three types of people posting on the message boards. 

There are the SUPERFANS!





This is a group that believes the actor, show or movie they are posting about is THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED ON THE PLANET!!!!!!!

They get very upset if anyone says anything slightly negative.  They scoff if someone doesn't know as much as they do about the subject of their obsession. 

They love to write long paragraphs defending their favorites complete with quotes and links.

Next are the Trolls. 





They are the opposite of the SUPERFANS.  They go to the message boards to spread hate and to tick off the SUPERFANS.  They post how a movie is stupid or has Major Plotholes.  An example?

On a "Dirty Dancing" board, a troll started a thread on how unrealistic the movie was.  They stated that there were lots of dancers at the resort.  It didn't make sense that Johnny Castle would go to all the trouble to train Baby, a non-dancer to take Penny's place.

HELLO!  Then it wouldn't be a movie. 

Imagine that movie.

Baby:  Here is $200 for your ill advised abortion Penny.

Penny:  Thanks rich girl, but I have to work so I can't take it.

Johnny:  Wait, I know all the real dancers are working but Gertie from housekeeping has the day off.  She dances for watermelons here.  We'll get her.  Problem solved.

Baby:  OK.  I guess I'll go play shuffleboard.

The End. 

Yeah, that movie would have been awesome.

The final group are the Idiots.





I have been at the movies where these people show up.  I don't know how they navigated their way to the theater.  They have no clue! 

They ask terribly obvious questions which the Trolls and SUPERFANS pounce on like a dog goes after a ham. 

They start threads with questions like this.

"Hunger Games": Why did Katniss join the Hunger Games if she didn't want to die?

Did we watch the same movie?   It seemed to be pretty well explained how she got into her situation and there was no "joining" involved.

I love movies.  Just about any genre with a good storyline.  I rarely post because of these people.  I know this is something that happens on all message boards across the internet. 

I just wonder.  Is the anonymity of the internet that brings out the worst in people?  Who are the SUPERFANS in real life?  Do their co-workers know they have memorized every line of the "Twilight" movies and are counting the days till "Breaking Dawn - Part 2" comes out?

Do the Trolls include that guy at the office who loves pointing out my grammar mistakes in an email? 

Are the idiots....?  No.  I'll stop right there.  We know who they are.   (They are everywhere)

The bottom line for me is that there are a lot of movies out there.  If you like it, great.  If you don't, I won't judge you.  But why throw a fit on the internet about it?

My Summer "Probably Not Going To See It" List

Yesterday I went through the summer movies and was distressed to see only three must see in the theater movies.  So I thought I would write about the movies I probably won't see.






"The Avengers"

I am so over the super hero thing. 





"Battleship"

When you base a movie on a board game you are really scraping the bottom of the barrel.






"The Dictator"

I really hope my husband doesn't convince me to go to this.   "Borat" was humorous, but I just can't handle more. 





"Rock of Ages"

I am a little torn on this one.  I love a good musical.  But Tom Cruise has kind of irked me lately. 






"That's My Boy"

Adam Sandler.  No.  That is all.






"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

My son read the book and liked it.  I just can't wrap my head around this one.






"The Amazing Spider-Man"

I liked the last round.  I like Emma Stone.  But I am still over the super hero thing.





"The Dark Knight Rises"

Super hero thing and I didn't see the first two anyway.





"Neighborhood Watch"

It just doesn't look very good at all. 

There are other movies coming up too.  Maybe when I see a trailer or something it will spark my interest.  Overall it looks like a pretty lackluster summer.

My Summer Movie Watch List

The summer movies are coming.  Here are the movies I am hoping to catch in the theaters.





"Dark Shadows"

My son saw the trailer for this and really wants to see it.  I will probably go with him.  I can't decide if it will be Tim Burton/Johnny Depp weird or campy fun. 






"Men In Black III"

Love Smith and Jones.  This looks like a fun follow up.  Will be interesting to see how they top the last two.


Oh my.  There is literally nothing coming out in June that I want to see.







"Ted"

This movie looks hilarious.  Seth MacFarlane is always so wrong he's right.  The R-rated trailer had me giggling. 

Uh, three movies.  In the next four months.  That is sad.  Am I getting cynical in my old age?

A Preview of My Summer Movie Preview

My Entertainment Weekly Summer Movie Preview arrived in the mailbox today. I will study and post my intended viewings tomorrow.

I'm very excited.

Big Garbage Day 2012

This is not a movie.  It is a mission. 

In the town I live we have Big Garbage Day every year in April.  Until I lived here I had never heard of Big Garbage Day.  What happens is that each year people take all the crap in their houses that is so crappy that you can't sell it and throw it out in front of the house.  On Saturday a truck comes around and picks up all your crap.  It is a happy day.

People start putting their stuff out early in the week.   Piles of furniture, old appliances and defunct toilets make their way to the curb.

It is a great kick off to Spring Cleaning.  We have put out more than our share of big garbage.  But two years were extra special. 

One of the things about big garbage day is that every one's idea of what constitutes crap is different.  The whole, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" is the mantra for Big Garbage Day.  That is why people don't wait to the end of the week to dump their trash. 

Each year cars and trucks, most waiting until dusk roam the streets looking for booty.  Some are sneaky but others will actually knock on your door and tell you they are taking your crap.  It is always interesting to see what is attractive to these crap vultures. 

But I must admit that more than once I've cruised by some one's house with this thought running through my head.

"If that is still there after dark..."

Only once have I acted on these dark desires.  The people across the street threw out a chair.  It was a big, overstuffed arm chair.  I took the dog for an unprecedented walk to check it out.  Except a rip on the back, it looked good.  It looked really good. 

I went to my husband with the plan.  We'd wait for dark and then we'd grab the chair and carry it home.  I watched it from my front window hoping none of the crap vultures would spot it.

It was finally dark enough.  I called my husband. 

"You were serious?"  He asked, mouth agape. 

"Yes.  It is a great chair.  Come on!" 

I dragged him out and we ran across the street like thieves keeping an eye out for any witnesses.   We each took a side and ran sideways back to our house.  We were laughing so hard we almost fell over.  But that chair was in our living room for several years until the seat finally collapsed and  we returned it to the curb and its Big Garbage Day destiny.

A few years later we had our own furniture to put out.  We'd been married about a year when we bought our first couch.   In our youth and stupidity it was a light colored couch.  Over the years it was spilled on, peed on, and dripped on.  It had been relegated to the family room where my son continued the assault on this poor piece of furniture. 

It became lovingly known as "THE STINKY COUCH". 

One year we got new chairs for the living room so there was a shift in furniture through the house.  Finally we could get rid of "THE STINKY COUCH".  We dragged it out to the curb and waited.  A half an hour later we heard a vehicle stop outside the house.   By the time we got to the window "THE STINKY COUCH" was gone. 

The actual "Stinky Couch" and our old dog Phil.

"OH MY GOODNESS!!  THEY TOOK THE STINKY COUCH!!!"

We danced with joy and wonder at the removal of "THE STINKY COUCH".   We called relatives to announce the disappearance of the legendary "STINKY COUCH.  It was truly amazing.

But our joy was short lived.  A half an hour later we heard a vehicle squeal to a stop and a loud thud.  Then the vehicle sped off at great speed for a residential setting.  We walked to the window and saw.

"THE STINKY COUCH" was back. 

I have always assumed that the people that took it thought it was a good couch.  It looked nice enough.  But upon closer inspection it was apparent why it was called "THE STINKY COUCH".

So finally my new mission.  Our front porch is screened in and has become a dumping ground of sorts, so over the next couple of days we need to move some crap off the porch.  Our porch resembles an episode of "Hoarders" and it is time to remedy this.

This is my mission if I choose to accept it.

Wish me luck.

What To Do?

I have a dilemma.  My husband got a $25 gift card for Amazon.com.  Since he loves me and hates to shop on the Internet, he has given it to me. 

I know I could save it and buy something practical like vitamins, but I want something frivolous. 

Yes.  I am a little selfish.  It's only $25.00.

A couple of months ago I used some expiring credit card points for Barnes and Nobles gift cards.  This was good, because it will feed my intense Nook reading addiction. 

With have Netflix and HuluPlus, I don't really NEED any DVDs.  Plus there aren't any classics that I don't have and they end up playing newer movies over and over on cable anymore. 

So there are other things on Amazon.com.  For goodness sake there are millions of things there and this silly gift card is itching in my inbox.

I could get a Rubber Chicken Tote Bag.




I could afford two "Hunger Games" official replica Mockingjay pins.




I can afford a 16 oz canister of Bacon Salt.  And we all know everything is better with bacon.





I could buy Bongo Drums.  ( I'd have to hurry and decide on this one as there are only 12 left!)




Or I could finally invest in that Cat Face t-shirt I've always wanted.




It is too much stress.  I don't know what to do.