Thursday, April 12, 2012

Big Garbage Day 2012

This is not a movie.  It is a mission. 

In the town I live we have Big Garbage Day every year in April.  Until I lived here I had never heard of Big Garbage Day.  What happens is that each year people take all the crap in their houses that is so crappy that you can't sell it and throw it out in front of the house.  On Saturday a truck comes around and picks up all your crap.  It is a happy day.

People start putting their stuff out early in the week.   Piles of furniture, old appliances and defunct toilets make their way to the curb.

It is a great kick off to Spring Cleaning.  We have put out more than our share of big garbage.  But two years were extra special. 

One of the things about big garbage day is that every one's idea of what constitutes crap is different.  The whole, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" is the mantra for Big Garbage Day.  That is why people don't wait to the end of the week to dump their trash. 

Each year cars and trucks, most waiting until dusk roam the streets looking for booty.  Some are sneaky but others will actually knock on your door and tell you they are taking your crap.  It is always interesting to see what is attractive to these crap vultures. 

But I must admit that more than once I've cruised by some one's house with this thought running through my head.

"If that is still there after dark..."

Only once have I acted on these dark desires.  The people across the street threw out a chair.  It was a big, overstuffed arm chair.  I took the dog for an unprecedented walk to check it out.  Except a rip on the back, it looked good.  It looked really good. 

I went to my husband with the plan.  We'd wait for dark and then we'd grab the chair and carry it home.  I watched it from my front window hoping none of the crap vultures would spot it.

It was finally dark enough.  I called my husband. 

"You were serious?"  He asked, mouth agape. 

"Yes.  It is a great chair.  Come on!" 

I dragged him out and we ran across the street like thieves keeping an eye out for any witnesses.   We each took a side and ran sideways back to our house.  We were laughing so hard we almost fell over.  But that chair was in our living room for several years until the seat finally collapsed and  we returned it to the curb and its Big Garbage Day destiny.

A few years later we had our own furniture to put out.  We'd been married about a year when we bought our first couch.   In our youth and stupidity it was a light colored couch.  Over the years it was spilled on, peed on, and dripped on.  It had been relegated to the family room where my son continued the assault on this poor piece of furniture. 

It became lovingly known as "THE STINKY COUCH". 

One year we got new chairs for the living room so there was a shift in furniture through the house.  Finally we could get rid of "THE STINKY COUCH".  We dragged it out to the curb and waited.  A half an hour later we heard a vehicle stop outside the house.   By the time we got to the window "THE STINKY COUCH" was gone. 

The actual "Stinky Couch" and our old dog Phil.


We danced with joy and wonder at the removal of "THE STINKY COUCH".   We called relatives to announce the disappearance of the legendary "STINKY COUCH.  It was truly amazing.

But our joy was short lived.  A half an hour later we heard a vehicle squeal to a stop and a loud thud.  Then the vehicle sped off at great speed for a residential setting.  We walked to the window and saw.

"THE STINKY COUCH" was back. 

I have always assumed that the people that took it thought it was a good couch.  It looked nice enough.  But upon closer inspection it was apparent why it was called "THE STINKY COUCH".

So finally my new mission.  Our front porch is screened in and has become a dumping ground of sorts, so over the next couple of days we need to move some crap off the porch.  Our porch resembles an episode of "Hoarders" and it is time to remedy this.

This is my mission if I choose to accept it.

Wish me luck.

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