"War of the Roses" 1989

“War of the Roses”

Michael Douglas won the best actor Oscar for his portrayal of Gordon Gecko. His mantra of “Greed is Good” became the slogan of a corrupt “Wall Street“.

He reunited with his “Romancing the Stone” costars, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito. It is told as part fairy tale, part cautionary tale with Danny as the narrator. His character, Gavin, is a womanizer with a foot fetish and low morals.

Gavin: When a man who charges $500 an hour wants to tell you something for free, you listen.

Oliver and Barbara Rose meet on Nantucket and fall in to bed and then into love. Soon they have two kids, a huge house and Oliver has a big law career. When the kids are ready to leave and there is nothing else to decorate, Barbara decides that she is done with Oliver.

Oliver Rose: I think you owe me a solid reason. I worked my a$$ off for you and the kids to have a nice life and you owe me a reason that makes sense. I want to hear it.
Barbara Rose: Because. When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in.

Oliver is fine with the divorce, the kids are off to college, the only thing they can’t agree on is who gets the house.

[Finding out that they are going to get a divorce]
Oliver Rose: And you better get yourself a damn good lawyer!
Barbara Rose: Best your money can buy!

First they divide up the house and attempt to wait each other out. This doesn’t go well. They can’t even pass each other on the stairs.

Oliver Rose: [Oliver and Barbara pass each other on the stairs] Stinking bitch!
Barbara Rose: Dumb ba$tard!
Oliver Rose: $lut!
Barbara Rose: Scum!
Oliver Rose: Filth!
[Passes Susan the maid]
Barbara Rose: Morning Susan.

Soon there are dead cats, wrecked cars and a really bad dinner party.

[Oliver Rose pees on the fish Barbara Rose had prepared for the guests]
Barbara Rose: I would never humiliate you like this!
Oliver Rose: You're not equipped to, honey.
Mr. Fisk: [Speaking to the other guests] A family tiff seems to be developing. I don't know if we should leave, but I definitely advise skipping the fish course.

It is the ultimate battle and they fight dirty. It is great. It finally ends with a sore Oliver and sweaty Barbara hanging on a chandelier with loose bolts above a marble floor. As they dangle, they continue to battle it out and each angry word is punctuated by the bolt dropping a notch.

They are close to safety, Gavin is on the doorstep, and then it is over. They drop to the floor. With their bodies at odd angles, Oliver reaches for Barbara’s hand. Her last move is to push it away.

It is great. No happy ending. Unless you count Danny DeVito’s character ending the movie advising his client to either go back to his wife or be ready to give till it hurts. Then he calls his wife and goes home.