Monday, June 4, 2012

The Colonoscopy! A Live Blogging Adventure

Warning!  If the title didn't tip you off, I will be writing about my husband's colonoscopy.  It may contain graphic information and is not about a movie.  But I hope it will be fun.  If not for my husband, for all of you.

If you recall, my husband had a momentous birthday this year.  With this birthday comes a new era of wellness procedures. 

At his last physical the doctor told him it was time for his first colonoscopy.  He doesn't have a family history and hasn't had any worrisome symptoms.  It is just about being fifty.

It was originally scheduled a month ago.  He had picked up his gallon jug from the pharmacy and was not looking forward to the prep work.  Then the doctor's office called and had to reschedule.  Dr. Poo, (Not her real name, but amusingly close) had jury duty.

So that gallon jug has been sitting in the dining room waiting for a month.  A constant reminder of what is to come.  Kind of like a dirty promise.

The funny thing about these type of procedures is that once people find out you are having one, they love to tell you horror stories.   And all the stories are about the prep for the procedure.  The general consensus is that the prep is worse than the actual procedure.

The prep began on Saturday.  He had to go on a liquid diet starting a 5PM.  I had to work.  I was on my way home and called to check in.

"What's for dinner?"  This is a common question as I don't cook.  Ever.

"I had chicken bouillon.  You're on your own."  He sounded slightly disgruntled at this point.

I had to feed myself!  This is hard on me too!

The fun continued into Sunday, with the introduction of the prep drink.  I've heard it tastes really bad.  I can't tell you because the instructions specifically state you can't share the drink.

I got home from work last night to a really grumpy husband.  He had been wearing a track to the bathroom all afternoon.  I tried to be discreet with my Jimmy Johns' sandwich, but I could see the looks.  It didn't help that he was watching "BBQ Pitmasters" on TV. 

I tried to help by steering him away from food television and watched my DVR'd episode of "The Glee Project" which he didn't appreciate.  I skipped my episode of the "Next Food Network Star" to avoid more food.

After a night of more trips to the bathroom including the discovery that our son does his pooping in the middle of the night, he is feeling spent.  This morning, he is finishing up his drink.  At 9AM he is cut off and then we have to be at the hospital by 11AM.

I will update as we go.  Watch this space.  And think happy thoughts for my love. 

9:47 AM. Getting ready to leave for the procedure.

11:10 AM. Got to the hospital. Dropped the husband at the main entrance to check in. Parked really far away. Got in and told we are in the wrong place.

Huh? Long walk to the other end ofthe hospital to endoscopy. (had an immature giggle). Find out that is wrong and have to return. Checking in now.

12:05 PM. Finally in pre-op

Husband is feeling grumpy.

The anesthesiologist is about 14 years old and a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan.

EKG time. Nurse had to shave his chest hair.

"Will this effect me getting chicks on the beach?".

2:35 PM.  Well, after all the prep work and getting to sit around in that styling hospital gown, they had to cancel the procedure.  All that fun for nothing.  The husband got a hamburger, which improved his mood quite a bit.  But he is not looking forward to rescheduling.

One plus though.  The nurse heard we were misdirected and had to trek all over the hospital and gave us $10 in hospital bucks.  Good for the cafe or Starbucks.  So I'm all set for next time.

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