Why Gwyneth Paltrow Is The Devil

I have made it clear several times that I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.  It was asked on my Facebook post why I hated her so much.  So, I am going to list the reasons why I hate GP.

GP was born to Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner.   Bruce was a big shot behind the scenes.  Blythe is an acclaimed actress.  I should note, that despite having spawned the devil incarnate, I love Blythe.  But it is probably her fault that GP is as annoying as she is.   Her godfather is Steven Speilberg for goodness sake!

She is pretentious.  Just visit her lifestyle website if you are unsure of how far away from reality she actually is.  Not everyone is rich.  Affordable gifts are not in the $300 to $500 range for normal people. 





This is a $200 gold plated rattle.  Really GP?





She says things like this.

"Brits are far more intelligent and civilised than Americans. I love the fact that you can hail a taxi and just pick up your pram and put in the back of the cab without having to collapse it. I love the parks and places I go for dinner and my friends. It's a pretty city, you know."

And this.

"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick."

There are so many, but here is one more.

"We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature---all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, 'Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you're wearing?' and I thought, I can't stay here. I have to get back to Europe."
Fine GP, stay in Europe!





In 1999 she beat out Meryl Streep and Cate Blanchett for Best Actress.  She was not worthy for her performance in "Shakespeare in Love".   It was pathetic.  That movie should not have won best picture over "Saving Private Ryan".  Just wrong.  And her acceptance speech was one of the worst in Oscar history. 

She named everyone she was related to like she was getting paid to endorse them.  Rather than just saying thanks Mom and Dad, she thanked Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow.   Seriously?

And is it just me or does her ill-fitting dress remind anyone else of the dress Carrie wore to the prom.

She dumped Ben Affleck.





And Brad Pitt.





And ended up with this guy?





She named her kid Apple, "because apples are whole, sweet and crisp." 

Poor kid. 

And finally.  The last reason I hate GP.

She can't act.  She isn't authentic and is actually kind of cold.  She can't pull off  being real.  She just stands too straight or something.  And her laugh is really fake. 

Do you want to know one of my favorite moment in one of her films? 





I loved the end of "Seven". 

And that is why I hate her.

My Oscar Review

So, I held off until 6 PM to watch the red carpet.  But I was being nice to my husband.  Luckily I turned in just in time for the wackiness of Sacha Baron Cohen promoting his new movie, "The Dictator".





I do prefer "E's" red carpet coverage.  Ryan Seacrest asks decent questions, seems to know who the stars are.  I tuned into ABC's coverage and watched as the stupid people on that coverages asked really idiotic questions.   Like asking Nick Nolte about his crows and a pinball machine. 

Really?

I tuned into ABC early enough to see my nemesis.





She is wearing a cape.  She is evil.  She made jokes with the English correspondent about how English she is.  Too bad it was the same stuff that is in the last Austin Powers movie.  My husband could have passed that test.  And he never can understand anyone British except Simon Cowell.

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.





I loved seeing Billy Crystal again.  I think he rocked his hosting duties.  He kissed George Clooney, talked to Justin Beiber and did a great song and dance.  He quipped and was just so fun. 

I liked the set with the old style movie house. 

One of my favorite wins of the night was Octavia Spencer.





She was the favorite almost anywhere you read.  But she was so genuine and looked fabulous.  I can't say the same for Melissa McCarthy.





Sweetie, I love you.  You are fabulous in "Bridesmaids" and on "Mike and Molly".  But fire the stylist that put you in that nightmare.  I have seen you looking so much better.  That was just wrong.  Find out who dressed Octavia.  She showed that a big girl can rock it. 





Meryl was fantastic.  I am shocked that she hadn't won in 30 years.  That is a crime.  She looked great, like an Oscar statue.  And she is just so real.  I love that she started with thanking her husband.  It was nice to see her finally take home another one.  She should have gotten it for Julia Child and Karen Silkwood.  But at least she was honored last night.  Keep em coming Meryl!

And how adorable was Colin Firth presenting?   I love him too.

Now, things I hated.

Cirque Du Soleil

I can't get into the acrobats.  Plus I think I would be a wreck if people were flying over my head.

They are so freaky with all the bending.  Plus I can't copy a picture.  They have some kind of exclusive deal on their images.  Goobers.

"The Artist"

It won best picture.  Best Actor.  It was nominated for best original screenplay.  How much of a screenplay does a silent movie have?   But it didn't win.

I haven't seen the movie and may sing a different song if I do, but I was disappointed that George or Brad didn't win.  I am glad they were both nominated.

Nick Nolte looked very old.



When did that happen?   Granted he's 71 years old, but he seemed to be aging pretty well.  He looked rough last night.





OK Angie.  I like you.  You are with one of the hottest guys in the world.  You make boatloads of money and have beautiful children.  You are a humanitarian who donates half your salary to charity. Do you really have to remind us how hot you are?  Please.  Let us save a little of our self esteem. 

Overall it was a good show.  Definitely better than last year's. 

Next year I hope to see more of the nominees.  It does make a difference when watching.  

OSCAR NIGHT!!!!

I am ready for the Oscars! 

I have nachos to snack on.  Cheesecake to sample.  (OK, more than sample, I am eating it!  Lactose intolerance be damned!)

I have only seen two of the best picture nominees.   "The Help" and "Moneyball".

I will do my review of the show tomorrow. 

Can't wait to see Billy Crystal!

Enjoy!

I Like That Actor - John Cusack Part Two

More John Cusack. 

Stand By Me





I have reviewed this movie.  I love it very much.   John is the perfect big brother.  When he leans over during the dinner scene, where his parents have ignored Gordie and tells him how much he liked his story, it is heartbreaking. 

One Crazy Summer





This is pretty much "Better Off Dead" only it is in the summer and boating instead of skiing.  Sorry, my husband loves this movie and I have tried to like it.  Maybe it's Demi Moore?

Hot Pursuit


 


I have never even heard of this movie.  Something about a boy following his rich girlfriend, a chemistry test and pirates.  Don't know how I missed this. 


Tapeheads





Another missed one.  I know it is an early Tim Robbins effort.  I might have to track it down just to see what that weird facial hair is all about.


Eight Men Out





John is one of the White Sox players that allegedly threw the World Series.  Most of my knowledge of this incident is from "Field of Dreams".  He does look good in the uniform.


Say Anything





Diane Court: Are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: No.
Diane Court: You're shaking.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think so.
Diane Court: You're cold.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think I am.
Diane Court: Then why are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: I don't know. I think I'm happy.

Sigh....

More tomorrow.  

I Like That Actor - John Cusack Part One

I more than like John Cusack.  I love him.  He has been crushworthy since the eighties and has done nothing to reduce his appeal for me in the years since.

I will admit he has done a lot of things I haven't seen, so I will apologize in advance.  But I have a few weeks of leave left, so I will try to catch up.

Class





Young Rob Lowe and young Andrew McCarthy.  Andrew has an affair with Rob's mom.   I honestly don't remember much else from this movie.  But isn't John adorable?


Sixteen Candles





Anthony Michael Hall may have been the king of the geeks, but Bryce was great.  That moment when he and Cliff look at each other and say, "Girl's underpants".  It is a classic.  This is a movie I can start watching at any point.  It is awesome.

Grandview U.S.A.




 
So, Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell and Jamie Lee Curtis.  I barely remember this movie and only know it had something to do with a love triangle and demolition derby.   John and his sister were both in it.  Hmmm.

The Sure Thing





John is on a road trip for guaranteed sex with a hot young Nicollette Sheridan.   But instead he falls hopelessly in love with Daphne Zuniga, pre-Space Balls.  She has long brown hair and wears sweaters.  This made me grow my hair long again after my disastrous Princess Diana haircut.

Better Off Dead





So many classic moments.  Who hasn't said this at any opportunity?

Johnny: I want my two dollars!


The Journey Of Natty Gann





Natty is searching for her father.  John helps her along the way and rocks a fedora like Indiana Jones.  Who wouldn't want him on your journey?


Tired of the laptop on my lap.  Gonna get the ice pack and take a nap.  More tomorrow.

Made In Heaven - 1987

Made In Heaven


I was watching this movie on Netflix when my husband got up this morning.  After a few minutes of watching he turned to me.

"Why are you watching this?"

"It was on Netflix."

"But why?  I don't recognize anyone in it."

"Uh, that's Timothy Hutton and there's Kelly McGillis."

"Is it almost over?"

Lucky for him it was. 

This is a sweet movie.  Timothy Hutton is Mike.  He has come home from World War II and is sort of finding his way in the world.  His girlfriend dumps him and he decides to go to California and seek his fortune there.  Less than a hundred miles from home he stops to help at an accident and ends up dying.

That is where Heaven comes in.





He is greeted by his dead aunt who has the thankless job of telling him he's dead.   Soon he meets Annie.  She is a new soul who has never been to Earth.  He is excited to learn that he might get to go back.  But he's fallen in love.





He builds a house and asks Annie to marry him.  Everything is great until he learns that Annie is going to leave.

Annie: You know what we've never done. We've never... danced. I'm going aren't I?
Mike: Yes.
Annie: Don't be sad. Don't get sad Mike.
Mike: Why does it have to be you?
Annie: It's not sad. I'm going to be somebody's baby

Mike then makes a deal with Emmet, who runs things.  He wants to go back to Earth too.  Emmett, played by Debra Winger, agrees but puts a time limit on them finding each other.

Mike has until his 30th birthday to find her.

We flash to see Annie, who is now Ally growing up with a supportive widower father and her imaginary friend Mike.  Mike is now Elmo and is being raised by his single mother and what appears to be a series of "uncles". 

They spend the rest of the movie wandering.  Ally gets married but her husband isn't happy and leaves.  Her father dies. 

Elmo is on a self-destructive path and after fighting in Viet Nam, is roaming the country.  On his 28th birthday he is visited by Emmett during his low point and begins to turn things around.  He meets Mike's parents while they are crossing the country and they give him a tool to start his life, a trumpet.  Soon he is finding his calling and writes a great song, "We've Never Danced", inspired unknowingly by Annie.

Ally is trying to get over her divorce and her father's death, but is now lost.  After running into her ex she is upset and walking down the street in Manhattan.  Elmo has a hit record and a crowd of people helping him celebrate his thirtieth birthday.  He decides to walk rather than taking a cab.

After a whole movie of near misses, it is only in the last minute that they find each other on the street. 




It finishes with them finally dancing together.

It is a sweet romantic little movie.  It has an interesting take on the afterlife.  My favorite afterlife movie is Albert Brooks "Defending Your Life" mostly because there you get to eat all you want.  What does that say about me?

But it is a nice way to spend an hour and a half. 

Perils of Movie Watching

So yesterday I was trying to find something to watch on Netflix and came across this.







I am a huge Kevin Smith fan and have loved his Q&A sessions in the past.  This was no different.  But there was a problem.

I was laughing too hard.

Why is this is a problem you ask?  Because laughing too hard is not good for a person who's just had abdominal surgery.  I started laughing and had to hold my stomach and that wasn't enough.  After fifteen minutes, for my personal comfort and health, I had to stop the show.

Later when my husband got home I tried to tell him what was so funny and started laughing again.  I couldn't even get it out.  I was standing there laughing and holding my stomach. 

So today, I will be searching for something gentle and not too weepy.  Who knew getting better would be so treacherous?

Moneyball - 2011

Moneyball

I like baseball movies better than baseball.  They skip over the boring parts.  Of course I like a live game of almost any sport better than watching it on television.  My husband can watch hours of sports and I just can't wrap my head around how it is interesting.

With baseball movies, you get to skip over all the boring stuff.  You see the big plays and there is comedy or drama mixed in between.  One of my favorite all time movie scenes is in "Bull Durham" where the team is gathered at home plate discussing what to get another player for a wedding gift. 






Brad Pitt is Billy Beane.  I will admit complete ignorance on who this is.  The only baseball general manager I can name with any confidence is George Steinbrenner.  But that is only because of "Seinfeld". 

He is very subtle in his role.  He moves smoothly and while we see flashbacks of his journey, there isn't much explanation of his motives.





Jonah Hill is Peter Brand, an economics major with a different view on how to win games.  I don't see how he convinces Billy to buy his theories, but they both go all in.   He was nominated for best supporting actor, but I just don't see anything different from what he's done before.  Is is just that he's in a drama instead of a raunchy comedy?





Philip Seymour Hoffman was on screen and my husband recognized him first.  I didn't realize he was in this movie.  He does a lot of standing around looking ticked off.  And his hair is really short. 





They did a good job with the  daughter.  She looked like a real twelve year old.  She was riding that line between Barbies and boys, not sure which she liked better.

Overall it was an interesting movie.  There isn't a big game or miracle finish.  They give minimal investment in the players themselves, turning them into numbers and stats.

There is a great scene near the beginning with the scouts.  Almost all played by real baseball scouts.  They sit around discussing the players to go after. 

They reject a player based on the attractiveness of his girlfriend.  They claim an ugly girlfriend is a sign of low confidence. 

It was a good movie.  Was it a best picture movie?  I don't know.  It was a good baseball movie but I don't really have the urge to see it again.  Now if "Field of Dreams" comes on, I am watching that one. 

The Hospital and Home

Once I got my pain managed, it was a little better, except the pain when I moved.  There is no position that doesn't use your abdomen in some way. 

The first nurse was really nice, she felt terrible when the first morphine pump didn't work right and gave me an awkward hug.  I have a habit of not wanting to be a bother and was struggling with telling people what I needed.  So for the first day, I drifted in and out of awareness.   My doctor came in and talked about the surgery.

As soon as they started the robotic surgery it became obvious that I had more going on then my fibroids and cysts.   I had pretty extensive endometriosis.  My uterus had rebelled and was connecting with my intestine in a unholy way. 

A bowel guy had to be called in so that they could detach it correctly.The doctor said it was like someone had poured a bunch of Elmer's glue between my uterus and bowels and let it dry up.  They had to work a while to get it detached.  When the bowel guy stopped in he told me that I'd made the uterus guy work pretty hard.  He smiled when he said it like it was funny.  Do doctor's have some weird competition going on?  I don't know, I never watch "Grey's Anatomy".

All I knew was that my stomach hurt.  And everyone wanted to look at it.  It is amazing how quickly you lose all modesty in the hospital.  Just about anyone could walk in my room and pull up my gown and all I would do is hold it out of the way so it wouldn't bug them. 

By the end of the second day my pain was under some control and I'd gotten up and taken a short walk.  I was on the baby floor, since that is where the uterus guy spent most of his time and it made it easier for rounds. 

On the second day a nurse came in to check my blood sugar.  It wasn't my usual nurse.  My husband was there.  She checked it and then as she was leaving told me congratulations.   I looked at my husband. 

"Congratulations?"

"Does she think you had a baby?"

"Didn't she look at my chart?"

She did apologize when she came back.  Honest mistake.  Plus I'm not totally out of the realm, I am only 42 years old.  I could have had a baby.  I was more bugged by the young nurse that asked me about my son.  She commented that they were about the same age.  I told her he was 22.  She said she was a few years older. 

"I was a teenager when I had him." I felt compelled to share.  My husband rolled his eyes at this. But I was for several more months after he was born even. 

I spent the first twenty-four hours being asked if I'd passed gas.  I have never in my life had so many people interested in me farting.  But since I had bowel work done, this was a sign my body was working.

On the second day of recovery I was so sick of liquid diet I was tempted to lie about farting.  I was starting to feel a rumble down there, but no air would escape.  But I had been warned too many times that I shouldn't fake my farts.  Finally, I was standing up to go to the bathroom with the nurse and it happened.  A little toot escaped. 

We smiled at each other.  I could have real food!

The first real food didn't go well.  I used the cover for unintended purposes.  But after that it was better.  Soon I had all the tubes and things out and started to feel like a human.  Each meal after improved and I was able to keep it down.

I got to go home on Thursday and now it is Sunday.  I am starting to feel like a real person almost.  I am sleeping alot, a shower wears me out so much I need a nap.  Things are moving the way they should and I have a big metal smile on my abdomen.  I get the staples out tomorrow. 

So I will spend the next five weeks recovering.  I want to watch some movies and get a lot of rest.  So I will write about some of those.  Look out Netflix, here I come.

Post 201

Warning, this post is not really about movies but I wanted to share.

I missed a couple of days while I was in the hospital, but I got out yesterday and plan on getting back in gear between doses of Percocet, which is lovely stuff.  It is not quite as lovely as morphine, but there is a reason they limit you on that stuff.  While in the hospital and on the IV, I had a morphine pump.  I could hit it every time the light turned green.  I spent many hours watching that light, waiting for it to turn green.





Green meant lovely relief.   I have a sneaking suspicion that the button actually didn't do anything.  But it did keep me busy while waiting for the pain to stop.

Just some random thoughts while I was at the hospital. 

Before surgery they want you there two hours ahead of time.  There is always a wide variety of people at that time in the morning.  From a little girl, maybe eighteen months old to Martha who brought a lot of baggage with her.  You are only allowed two family members back in the ward, Martha had an army of daughters with her.  They had a little disagreement on who was going back and ended up deciding to take turns. 

I sat there with my husband and son while everyone else got called back.  We'd been about six minutes late.  I hate being late, but it was completely my fault that we were.  We were ten minutes from home when I realized I had forgotten my drivers license and insurance card.  I am one of those woman who carries her life in her purse and since I didn't have to bring it, I lost my mind.  We rushed back and still had to wait.

Finally we went back and got our pre op room.  The nurse came in and switched out the gown for me.  She got me a different one, since I am so, uh, tall.  Do they teach nurses not to say you are fat?  That is sweet. 

I embarrassed my son.  I got a hysterectomy and kept referring to my uterus as his old apartment.  My son is easily embarrassed.  So, in the interest of family harmony, I stopped doing it.

They rolled me into the operating room and I don't remember much after that.  I have had anesthesia before and normally it was as if no time passed.  One minute I was awake, then I skipped like Marty McFly over those minutes and arrived in the future. This time it took a few minutes to come out.  I woke to some cranky recovery nurses.  This may have been my fault.

They were hassling me to cough.  I didn't want to do this, but finally managed.  The only problem was that some puking followed.

"Don't throw up in the mask!" yelled one nurse.

Then take the darn thing off!  I thought.  I can't help it.  They asked again when I ate last, like I had purposely eaten to mess up their day.  I heard someone say that it was abdominal, which I didn't want, because recovery was longer. 

Over the next half hour or so I felt very disassociated.  I was there but I wasn't.  Somebody said my family was in my room.  Then I was rolling through the hospital.  I think I fell asleep on the elevator, because that ride was really fast.  Soon I was in the room. 

My husband and son were there and my father-in-law and mother-in-law were there as well. 

At this point all I knew was that it hurt like heck.  I was hot and didn't want a blanket.  So my son sat by my side to avoid any wardrobe malfunctions.  I noticed this and asked for a sheet.  Then he moved to the couch.  My in-laws left. 

I was pretty weepy at this point because my midsection was on fire.  I have had pain before.  I've delivered a nearly nine pound baby, but this really sucked.  It took some time to get my morphine pump hooked up. 

I lost the next few hours in lovely narcotic induced bliss. 

More tomorrow.  Then back to movie posts.

Still Recovering.

I'm still in the hospital. I should be able to go home tomorrow. In movies the hospital stay is usually a montage from the visitors point of view. Probably because of the painkillers.

Surgery Day

I'm having surgery today. The blog may be dark for a few days. Go watch a movie!

Super Bowl Sunday Movies

Since it is Super Bowl Sunday, I asked my husband to name some football movies.  Here is the list he came up with off the top of his head.


My Husband's Football Movies

　

North Dallas Forty



Mac Davis is the stud star quarterback.  Nick Nolte plays the wide receiver who they want to cut because he's out of his prime and he's getting shots in his knees.  When my husband saw that movie in the theater, there was no sound for the first ten minutes of the movie.  He thought it was supposed to be that way until the cops come in to bust Nick Nolte and there was still no sound.  And then the team didn't win the game. 

The Replacements




Here is what we know about this movie.  It is about the teams during the NFL players strike.  It stars Keanu Reeves.  Neither my husband nor I have seen it.  I only like Keanu in "Parenthood" and "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure".

Rudy




Sean Astin.  Football underdog.  Fighting Irish.  That is all I know.  And Vince Vaughn is in it with Jon Favreau.  It is how they became friends.


Longest Yard


   


There are two versions.  Burt Reynolds is in both of them.  I haven't seen the original but I liked the Adam Sandler version.   And I don't often admit I like Adam Sandler. 


Jerry Maguire





This is a romantic comedy hiding in a football movie.  Cuba Gooding Jr. does the football thing great.  I love the scene where his wife is freaking out watching him injured on television.  I always feel bad for the families.  It is one thing to watch your loved one get hurt, it is another to have it replayed over and over from different angles and in slow motion.


Brian’s Song





This is a guy's chick flick. 

[last lines]
Coach George Halas: Brian Piccolo died of cancer at the age of 26. He left a wife and three daughters. He also left a great many loving friends who miss and think of him often. But when they think of him, it's not how he died that they remember - but how he lived. How he did live!


Ace Ventura





Not your classic football film, but it has real NFL players and is set around the Superbowl.  There is a dolpin called Snowflake.  And one of my husband's favorite lines.

"LACES OUT!!!"


Waterboy





Adam Sandler loves football.  I have written about this one.


Wildcats





Goldie Hawn as a football coach to inner city kids.  It started the careers of Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes.  Also, since it is an eighties comedy, you see Goldie Hawn's boobies.

Here are a few I thought of:

Friday Night Lights





Tim McGraw's film debut.  Classic inspirational football movie.  I never saw the television show spin off.


Blind Side





Sandra Bullock won an Oscar for this one.  It is based on a true story of a family that takes in a kid and helps him make it to the NFL.  Tim McGraw is in this one too.

Lucas




And finally, poor Corey Haim is in love and wants to impress a girl who is in love with Charlie Sheen.  Not good odds.  But it is a really sweet movie.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!  Enjoy the big game.