Why Gwyneth Paltrow Is The Devil

I have made it clear several times that I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.  It was asked on my Facebook post why I hated her so much.  So, I am going to list the reasons why I hate GP.

GP was born to Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner.   Bruce was a big shot behind the scenes.  Blythe is an acclaimed actress.  I should note, that despite having spawned the devil incarnate, I love Blythe.  But it is probably her fault that GP is as annoying as she is.   Her godfather is Steven Speilberg for goodness sake!

She is pretentious.  Just visit her lifestyle website if you are unsure of how far away from reality she actually is.  Not everyone is rich.  Affordable gifts are not in the $300 to $500 range for normal people. 





This is a $200 gold plated rattle.  Really GP?





She says things like this.

"Brits are far more intelligent and civilised than Americans. I love the fact that you can hail a taxi and just pick up your pram and put in the back of the cab without having to collapse it. I love the parks and places I go for dinner and my friends. It's a pretty city, you know."

And this.

"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick."

There are so many, but here is one more.

"We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art and literature---all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, 'Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you're wearing?' and I thought, I can't stay here. I have to get back to Europe."
Fine GP, stay in Europe!





In 1999 she beat out Meryl Streep and Cate Blanchett for Best Actress.  She was not worthy for her performance in "Shakespeare in Love".   It was pathetic.  That movie should not have won best picture over "Saving Private Ryan".  Just wrong.  And her acceptance speech was one of the worst in Oscar history. 

She named everyone she was related to like she was getting paid to endorse them.  Rather than just saying thanks Mom and Dad, she thanked Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow.   Seriously?

And is it just me or does her ill-fitting dress remind anyone else of the dress Carrie wore to the prom.

She dumped Ben Affleck.





And Brad Pitt.





And ended up with this guy?





She named her kid Apple, "because apples are whole, sweet and crisp." 

Poor kid. 

And finally.  The last reason I hate GP.

She can't act.  She isn't authentic and is actually kind of cold.  She can't pull off  being real.  She just stands too straight or something.  And her laugh is really fake. 

Do you want to know one of my favorite moment in one of her films? 





I loved the end of "Seven". 

And that is why I hate her.

My Oscar Review

So, I held off until 6 PM to watch the red carpet.  But I was being nice to my husband.  Luckily I turned in just in time for the wackiness of Sacha Baron Cohen promoting his new movie, "The Dictator".





I do prefer "E's" red carpet coverage.  Ryan Seacrest asks decent questions, seems to know who the stars are.  I tuned into ABC's coverage and watched as the stupid people on that coverages asked really idiotic questions.   Like asking Nick Nolte about his crows and a pinball machine. 

Really?

I tuned into ABC early enough to see my nemesis.





She is wearing a cape.  She is evil.  She made jokes with the English correspondent about how English she is.  Too bad it was the same stuff that is in the last Austin Powers movie.  My husband could have passed that test.  And he never can understand anyone British except Simon Cowell.

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow.





I loved seeing Billy Crystal again.  I think he rocked his hosting duties.  He kissed George Clooney, talked to Justin Beiber and did a great song and dance.  He quipped and was just so fun. 

I liked the set with the old style movie house. 

One of my favorite wins of the night was Octavia Spencer.





She was the favorite almost anywhere you read.  But she was so genuine and looked fabulous.  I can't say the same for Melissa McCarthy.





Sweetie, I love you.  You are fabulous in "Bridesmaids" and on "Mike and Molly".  But fire the stylist that put you in that nightmare.  I have seen you looking so much better.  That was just wrong.  Find out who dressed Octavia.  She showed that a big girl can rock it. 





Meryl was fantastic.  I am shocked that she hadn't won in 30 years.  That is a crime.  She looked great, like an Oscar statue.  And she is just so real.  I love that she started with thanking her husband.  It was nice to see her finally take home another one.  She should have gotten it for Julia Child and Karen Silkwood.  But at least she was honored last night.  Keep em coming Meryl!

And how adorable was Colin Firth presenting?   I love him too.

Now, things I hated.

Cirque Du Soleil

I can't get into the acrobats.  Plus I think I would be a wreck if people were flying over my head.

They are so freaky with all the bending.  Plus I can't copy a picture.  They have some kind of exclusive deal on their images.  Goobers.

"The Artist"

It won best picture.  Best Actor.  It was nominated for best original screenplay.  How much of a screenplay does a silent movie have?   But it didn't win.

I haven't seen the movie and may sing a different song if I do, but I was disappointed that George or Brad didn't win.  I am glad they were both nominated.

Nick Nolte looked very old.



When did that happen?   Granted he's 71 years old, but he seemed to be aging pretty well.  He looked rough last night.





OK Angie.  I like you.  You are with one of the hottest guys in the world.  You make boatloads of money and have beautiful children.  You are a humanitarian who donates half your salary to charity. Do you really have to remind us how hot you are?  Please.  Let us save a little of our self esteem. 

Overall it was a good show.  Definitely better than last year's. 

Next year I hope to see more of the nominees.  It does make a difference when watching.  

OSCAR NIGHT!!!!

I am ready for the Oscars! 

I have nachos to snack on.  Cheesecake to sample.  (OK, more than sample, I am eating it!  Lactose intolerance be damned!)

I have only seen two of the best picture nominees.   "The Help" and "Moneyball".

I will do my review of the show tomorrow. 

Can't wait to see Billy Crystal!

Enjoy!

I Like That Actor - John Cusack Part Two

More John Cusack. 

Stand By Me





I have reviewed this movie.  I love it very much.   John is the perfect big brother.  When he leans over during the dinner scene, where his parents have ignored Gordie and tells him how much he liked his story, it is heartbreaking. 

One Crazy Summer





This is pretty much "Better Off Dead" only it is in the summer and boating instead of skiing.  Sorry, my husband loves this movie and I have tried to like it.  Maybe it's Demi Moore?

Hot Pursuit


 


I have never even heard of this movie.  Something about a boy following his rich girlfriend, a chemistry test and pirates.  Don't know how I missed this. 


Tapeheads





Another missed one.  I know it is an early Tim Robbins effort.  I might have to track it down just to see what that weird facial hair is all about.


Eight Men Out





John is one of the White Sox players that allegedly threw the World Series.  Most of my knowledge of this incident is from "Field of Dreams".  He does look good in the uniform.


Say Anything





Diane Court: Are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: No.
Diane Court: You're shaking.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think so.
Diane Court: You're cold.
Lloyd Dobler: I don't think I am.
Diane Court: Then why are you shaking?
Lloyd Dobler: I don't know. I think I'm happy.

Sigh....

More tomorrow.  

I Like That Actor - John Cusack Part One

I more than like John Cusack.  I love him.  He has been crushworthy since the eighties and has done nothing to reduce his appeal for me in the years since.

I will admit he has done a lot of things I haven't seen, so I will apologize in advance.  But I have a few weeks of leave left, so I will try to catch up.

Class





Young Rob Lowe and young Andrew McCarthy.  Andrew has an affair with Rob's mom.   I honestly don't remember much else from this movie.  But isn't John adorable?


Sixteen Candles





Anthony Michael Hall may have been the king of the geeks, but Bryce was great.  That moment when he and Cliff look at each other and say, "Girl's underpants".  It is a classic.  This is a movie I can start watching at any point.  It is awesome.

Grandview U.S.A.




 
So, Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell and Jamie Lee Curtis.  I barely remember this movie and only know it had something to do with a love triangle and demolition derby.   John and his sister were both in it.  Hmmm.

The Sure Thing





John is on a road trip for guaranteed sex with a hot young Nicollette Sheridan.   But instead he falls hopelessly in love with Daphne Zuniga, pre-Space Balls.  She has long brown hair and wears sweaters.  This made me grow my hair long again after my disastrous Princess Diana haircut.

Better Off Dead





So many classic moments.  Who hasn't said this at any opportunity?

Johnny: I want my two dollars!


The Journey Of Natty Gann





Natty is searching for her father.  John helps her along the way and rocks a fedora like Indiana Jones.  Who wouldn't want him on your journey?


Tired of the laptop on my lap.  Gonna get the ice pack and take a nap.  More tomorrow.

Made In Heaven - 1987

Made In Heaven


I was watching this movie on Netflix when my husband got up this morning.  After a few minutes of watching he turned to me.

"Why are you watching this?"

"It was on Netflix."

"But why?  I don't recognize anyone in it."

"Uh, that's Timothy Hutton and there's Kelly McGillis."

"Is it almost over?"

Lucky for him it was. 

This is a sweet movie.  Timothy Hutton is Mike.  He has come home from World War II and is sort of finding his way in the world.  His girlfriend dumps him and he decides to go to California and seek his fortune there.  Less than a hundred miles from home he stops to help at an accident and ends up dying.

That is where Heaven comes in.





He is greeted by his dead aunt who has the thankless job of telling him he's dead.   Soon he meets Annie.  She is a new soul who has never been to Earth.  He is excited to learn that he might get to go back.  But he's fallen in love.





He builds a house and asks Annie to marry him.  Everything is great until he learns that Annie is going to leave.

Annie: You know what we've never done. We've never... danced. I'm going aren't I?
Mike: Yes.
Annie: Don't be sad. Don't get sad Mike.
Mike: Why does it have to be you?
Annie: It's not sad. I'm going to be somebody's baby

Mike then makes a deal with Emmet, who runs things.  He wants to go back to Earth too.  Emmett, played by Debra Winger, agrees but puts a time limit on them finding each other.

Mike has until his 30th birthday to find her.

We flash to see Annie, who is now Ally growing up with a supportive widower father and her imaginary friend Mike.  Mike is now Elmo and is being raised by his single mother and what appears to be a series of "uncles". 

They spend the rest of the movie wandering.  Ally gets married but her husband isn't happy and leaves.  Her father dies. 

Elmo is on a self-destructive path and after fighting in Viet Nam, is roaming the country.  On his 28th birthday he is visited by Emmett during his low point and begins to turn things around.  He meets Mike's parents while they are crossing the country and they give him a tool to start his life, a trumpet.  Soon he is finding his calling and writes a great song, "We've Never Danced", inspired unknowingly by Annie.

Ally is trying to get over her divorce and her father's death, but is now lost.  After running into her ex she is upset and walking down the street in Manhattan.  Elmo has a hit record and a crowd of people helping him celebrate his thirtieth birthday.  He decides to walk rather than taking a cab.

After a whole movie of near misses, it is only in the last minute that they find each other on the street. 




It finishes with them finally dancing together.

It is a sweet romantic little movie.  It has an interesting take on the afterlife.  My favorite afterlife movie is Albert Brooks "Defending Your Life" mostly because there you get to eat all you want.  What does that say about me?

But it is a nice way to spend an hour and a half. 

Perils of Movie Watching

So yesterday I was trying to find something to watch on Netflix and came across this.







I am a huge Kevin Smith fan and have loved his Q&A sessions in the past.  This was no different.  But there was a problem.

I was laughing too hard.

Why is this is a problem you ask?  Because laughing too hard is not good for a person who's just had abdominal surgery.  I started laughing and had to hold my stomach and that wasn't enough.  After fifteen minutes, for my personal comfort and health, I had to stop the show.

Later when my husband got home I tried to tell him what was so funny and started laughing again.  I couldn't even get it out.  I was standing there laughing and holding my stomach. 

So today, I will be searching for something gentle and not too weepy.  Who knew getting better would be so treacherous?